No Tatas For Me

Too soon after surgery I went to get fitted with tatas (prothesis, aka fake boobs). To the touch they feel like the real deal - better than a blow-up doll. They should be - at $350. each, compliments of Medicare. Only one breast had cancer, but Medicare paid for both to be lobbed off, in the name of balance. They also pay for six bras a year at about $60 each.

"Why are they so heavy?" I asked. "To hold the bra down" was the reply. So I have to hang these weighty tatas from my shoulders, worry about chinning myself with them, or pulling up bra straps? "Why?" "In case you bump into a man it will feel like you have breasts", was the answer. Can't remember the last time my breasts ran into an unsuspecting man. They weren't so perky after fighting gravity for seventy-three years. Well, maybe sixty years. I didn't get my first bra until I was thirteen.

Actually it is kind of nice to speak to a man, and get eye contact. They can have intelligent conversations when they aren't distracted.

Silly me, I think it is unfair to seduce a man with fakery. If I were a man and became enamored with a woman, unwrapped her, and found more things coming off than clothes, finding no luscious breasts, no tempting nipples, only a 23" scar running from arm pit to arm pit, I would run out the door with, or without, my tighty whities.

Of course this may be subject to change, but right now I choose to be honest, and flat chested. It actually feels pretty good. It is easier to stand straighter, and easier to breathe. The lungs don't have to do weight lifting.

Along with my seven other shots today, I had another heat shock therapy shot in the groin. Groan. It stings like a killer bee, but only for a moment. The groin gives it the best access to the lymphatic system. I could feel it working in the lymphatic webbing in my arms. Every once in a while I will feel a little sproing. I imagine that it is the treatment shooting some rogue cancer cell.

E'nuf nonsense for tonight. The island Potcake Dogs barked all night last night. By four o'clock they sounded hoarse. Didn't see even one of them today. Hope they weren't sleeping up for more harmonizing after dark.